All social psychologists continue to point out that being social and building relationships are signs of a positive and healthy mood.
Being social means being connected. Communicating with someone means making oneself visible. Without being transparent and disclosing verbal and behavioral details about yourself, it is unlikely to become social.
The moment we communicate, thoughts about how we appear to others and what they think about us start flashing across our minds. Inside us, there is always an uncomfortable timidity about what other people might think about us.
By the way, our mind does one more thing, which is comparing itself with others. It always criticizes whether it is good enough or not. Am I good enough? Am I beautiful? Am I rich? Am I wise?…. etc. This is essentially the reinforcing aspect of the feelings of deficiency and shame among individuals.
Many people resort to social isolation to eliminate this feeling of lacking. They do this, however, by deceiving themselves and their surroundings and also by projections that accuse other people. Underneath the feeling of loneliness, there can be a great feeling of inadequacy and embarrassment hidden.
Compared to other living beings, while social life makes us stronger and powerful, it also brings certain psychological costs.
People can evolve into a fragile mood because of this comparison, feelings of worthlessness and shame.
Well, How can we get rid of this mind paradigm?
Of course, there is not a mathematical formula.
However, it requires establishing a new intellectual mind algorithm and practicing.
What needs to be done first is, To show the courage to share our inner world and thoughts.
Accepting ourselves as we are and daring to express, helps to make ourselves visible. Because the more we share ourselves with our loved ones, the greater the formation of commitment we observe. Love also develops with commitment.
It’s hard for people having an obsession to always look flawless to share posts about themselves. Every post carries the possibility of exposing our flaws and weaknesses. Many who see themselves as exquisite personalities of high missions fear the possibility of being perceived as deficient and ordinary by others.
For a mind that embraces imperfection, the fear of being judged by others can be minimized.
Embarrassment, fear of being imperfect, and the feeling of worthlessness behind them can turn us into socially fragile creatures. Behind this fragileness, there can be high expectations.
To overcome this through creative joy and a sense of belonging, we must demonstrate the courage to show up as we are for both ourselves and our surroundings.
Actually, each person creates a fictional judgment about other people. Thinking of others as happier, more competent, better, and more attractive is simply a mental construct. Actually, nobody lives a perfect life and has a perfect personality. We are all amateur learners in a life that is imperfect, unfinished, and troublesome. The fact that some of those people are acting well may be perceived as real in some naive minds.
The desire to be a perfect person, to raise perfect children, to be an employee, to be a spouse, to be a friend…seems to be the worst enemy of the real, the experienced life.
The objectives that we cannot accomplish will turn into a mirage that destroys what we are trying to do.
Although comparing ourselves with others increases our productivity at moderate doses, exaggerated doses will cause our inferiority complex, feelings of shame, and envy.
Beyond religious sincerity, it seems fair to embrace Mevlana’s guidance, “either look as you are or be as you seem,” as a gentle principle of being yourself throughout the whole life and living in harmony with the world.
This philosophy sets the Real “us” free. The more we hide, the more our minds become prisoners of what we hide.
I am not referring to harsh honesty or genuineness, I am referring to a naive sincerity of making yourself visible.
PS: this may not apply to those who represent a brand or an institution. Of course, for individuals who share posts as part of their job or who are followed in the personal branding context, it may not be applicable.